I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
