Plan B is the new Plan A
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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