two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
