I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
