Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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