mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
