I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
