I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
