i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
