Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
