I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
