Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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