so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
