anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
