Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
