i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
