At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
