is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
