I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
