Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
