Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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