The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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