once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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