grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
