so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize