He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
