lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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