so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
