Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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