my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
be right there i have to get my cape
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
