Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize