i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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