no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
