Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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