Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
