Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need to calm my uterus...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
