Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
