Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Randomize
