If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
