how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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