the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
