I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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