i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Boobs speak an international language.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
