Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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