You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
