Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
