I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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