I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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