No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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