Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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