So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
