Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
