I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
