I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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