Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
