you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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