Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize