i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
