He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
