From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
