I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
