im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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