So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
