Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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