you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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