Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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