He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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