i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize