his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
