i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
