Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize