He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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