Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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