DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
