called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
