Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
