I think im going to throw up on grandma
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Randomize
