I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
