is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As shirtless as possible
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
