did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
