so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
