Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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