Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize