i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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