i will never coherently bang her
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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