I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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