i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
