Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
