dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
