thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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