epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
