Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
