You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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