bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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