The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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