I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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