I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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