i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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