Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
