his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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