Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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