No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
