OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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