he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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