i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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