I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
