He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
