You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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