3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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