I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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